it's been 2 weeks since JYPE officially announced that they terminated jay's contract. i'd like to reiterate that, JYPE terminated HIS contract, because i've seen too many people call it jay's "final withdrawal." umm. no, by his company terminating his contract, it's not his withdrawal, or his choice, it was mandated by his company that he never return.
i've gone through a myriad of emotions and i'm still not over it by any means, but i think it's about time i start writing it all down to sort out my feelings.
it's been a roller coaster of a 6-month period, and i went from having hope, to little hope, to LOTS OF HOPE, back down to little hope, to worry, to fear, to anger, and finally resignation. who knew that when i first saw the clips of jay rapping in taec's place when taec's mic died, that i would be here? huh. throughout all 6 months, all i wanted was for him to desperately come back. i wanted him back with the other 6, and for him to be back on stage, and helping 2PM continue to rise to the top. but somewhere along the way, it went awry.
despite fans' best efforts to boycott (and yes, i will still defend that position) and prove to the company how much jay was needed, missed, and wanted, ultimately, for reasons unbeknownst to fans (i don't believe the "HUGE MORAL ISSUE" that was touted in the press release & conference), JYPE decided to "throw away" one of their best talents. admittedly, i have a huge bias for him, but he's a true triple threat-- singing, dancing, and personality. so yes, call me utterly confused that the company would be willing to let him go.
as much as i was trying to prepare myself for him not coming back, i kept holding on to the small bit of hope...and so there was a lot of anger and frustration when it was final that he wasn't coming back. it just doesn't seem fair...at all. and the fact that the company seems set on destroying him (why open up the wolves to his "personal mistake" that's so terrible they "can't reveal it?") makes it even more unbearable. yes, he's an idol, he's a "wasted investment" to them, but he's a person. how far are they going to go to take down ONE boy? now that i've gotten over the anger, i am moving towards happiness that he is out of their clutches (though probably not entirely) and he's free, free to be who he wants to be and surrounded at home with his family and friends. i love that he's not letting this destroy his life-- he's out there bboying, continuing to show his fans' love, and basically just continuing to be as awesome as when he was "leadja." and no matter what, his family, friends, and FANS will believe in him. and ultimately, that personal connection is more powerful than whatever JYPE has up their sleeves.
next up: my feelings about the fan conference & subsequent aftermath and current feelings about 6pm (though the fact that i call them 6pm probably gives some indication).
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