puppy!

i really want a puppy! i think it'd be so much fun, although i am wary of the responsibilities...like when it feels like -5 outside, i'm very happy to just sit inside my room but, the doggie can't stay inside forever!

i also feel like i may secretly want a dog because i think it'll make me happier...which makes me think of those young teens who want a baby because a baby will "love" them and everyone is trying to knock some sense in to them :|

late night eating

hmmm. so i probably shouldn't have eaten that ramen and ice cream bar at 1:30a but i'm bored and slightly stress eating. oh well, at least it was tasty!!

novella on the status quo.

i am really, really, REALLY resigned because ALL of the rumors have been negative and have been pointing to jay not being brought back. as other people have mentioned, normally with rumors, you get some positive and some negative...but EVERYTHING is negative now. and one of the fancafes is holding another silent protest on sunday, and the only other time they did that was shortly after he left.

i'm venting-- below are a few reasons why it was not only media hype about him coming back but that JYPE participated in it too:

1) the album is called 1:59. that is a freaking idea that the FANS came up with to represent that 2PM isn't "whole." jype took that from the fans and made it their "concept." if they were just toying with fans to get them to support, that is SO unbelieveably disrespectful i can't even...

2) in an interview the 6 did in china, they said the album is named 1:59 because they're not complete without jay. so, they themselves were spewing that they're not complete, they're not 2PM which obviously gives fans hope that jay will be back to complete them/make them whole.

3) when they won MAMA, during one of the speeches, taec said "jaebum hyung, we're waiting for you, so hurry up and come back."

4) in the Thank Yous, chansung wrote "we're 6 now but i'll wait until we're 7 again"

obviously, none of these are hard facts and you can argue that the boys' feelings don't equal the company's, but there's no way that the company would allow them to say/express those types of things without their consent.

i'm so frustrated at this whole situation-- a lot of people say that the reason they won't bring him back is because of the huge success of the 6-member 2PM and that it's not worth it to bring jay back because he will have that drama/controversary associated with him, and the general public seems to support 6 (even if fans support 7). it's such a messed up situation and the worst part is that jay (and the others) don't have any real voice to say anything about this. it ends up being all about the company & making profits and no regard to grooming artists, so much so that they'd sacrifice one of their "prizes."

i said it before and i'll say it again...when/if it's confirmed that they're not bringing him back, i am pretty sure i will walk away. i like the other 6 and i'm sure i will casually watch them in things, but i love all 7 as a group and the group dynamic which will never be the same as 6.

the whole reason i was like "AAHH 2PM!!" was because of their chemistry-- their performances were always filled with passion, power, and that special "it" factor. there was a special energy they brought to the stage. off-stage, you could tell their friendship was genuine and healthy and just...awesome. when i see 6, i can't un-see a "could-be" 7. i think a lot of their "oomph" and spark/sparkle (?? that sounds weird but whatev) has been lost and it makes me sad to see that the group i grew to love is no longer the group in front of me.

i just hate that this whole situation has dragged out for almost 5 months and there is still SO much confusion, anger, hurt, and resentment. and it's even worse as an international fan, cause there is LITERALLY nothing you can do except watch it happen and hope for the best. i've unfollowed the company on social networking sites as part of my "statement" but is that enough?

in any case, everyone seems to think it's like a given that he won't come back...amazing how much my hope has diminished in the last 2 weeks (when i thought it was all but guaranteed that he'd be back). i'm still "fighting" in that i'm still supporting the boycott and doing as much as an international fan can do, but everyone thinks time is really running out (eg. by mid-feb). i just hope that in the end, it's not the end of the road for his career as an entertainer, cause he is legitimately talented and deserves to be on-stage performing for fans.

and i'm still hoping in a way but i'm just expecting the worst. and yes, there have been some other signs-- like inki leaving that space (they also left a space for their "comeback" as 6) says a lot bc i doubt SBS would wanna make a major label angry by doing something they wouldn't agree with & jay wearing fan gifts (to me that says, keep fighting) but it's just all so uncertain.

*SIGH*

in a way, i want this to be over...but i'm really scared that it's not going to end up how i want to, so if nothing's final, then at least you can still keep hoping that something good will happen :\

happy new year!

2010. craziness! happy new year. hope this year is filled with a lot of personal growth...now that i'm officially in my "quarterlife." eeks! trying to change some things about myself this year, so we'll see how successful it is. and i will promise to be more diligent about creating change in my life. 2010...let's stop the apathy and being content...and shake things up a bit.

and yup, still miss him a lot. i looove a good voice...and his speaking voice is so win. but also love this cover, with my new headphones that make everything sound awesome :D