feeling OVERwhelmed.

i do not handle stress well.

flip.flop.

on the good days, i say, a number doesn't define me! on the bad days, i say, how can i possibly stack up against the others. too much stress, worry, and impatience are starting to take their toll. i just need to keep reminding myself that i did the best i could and i put forth the best that i could.

sure, other people score what i got with zero practice. but...i made almost a 300 point increase, which is nutso. especially for someone who hasn't ever worked/studied like that before. i don't really believe it, but if i say it enough, will it sink in? everything happens for a reason. everything works out the way it's supposed to. it's out of my hands now, so there's no point in stressing.

sigh. easier said than done.

awakening that part of my brain

ah...it's one of the main reasons why i'm going on this journey. having been in the "real world" for 4 years now, i definitely miss the analysis and deep discussions in academia. i miss the moments where you're like "wow...i am totally learning something new right now" or when you're surrounded by smart people and you're just eager to keep learning, keep hearing more, and keep talking so that you can maintain that brain activity.

went to another event today that reminded me of why this path is the right one for now. i don't know if everything will end up the way i want it to, but it's good to have reminders every so often (amongst the angst of essaying/testing) of why you're pursuing what you're pursuing.

for myself, as i described it to my mom, i want my brain to feel like it's getting stretched to its capacity. that i'm surrounded by people who leave me in awe, and people who are so smart that i need to push myself to keep up with them. so that, as cheesy as it sounds, i can be the best poca i can be. hope hope hope.

three months in a flash!

wow, didn't realize it had been three months since i'd last written. since my last angsty post, i've taken the dreaded test two times, and resigned myself to the score i received. i would never use the term "hard worker" to describe myself but i honestly worked the hardest in studying for that darn test than i have for anything else.

two down, two...maybe one to go. really hoping real life works out for me, but i'm a sucker for worrying about things i can't control.

meanwhile, i've been distracted by:

1) jangki. playful kiss. mischevious kiss.















jung so min is so spunky and she played a great oh hani! i was pretty ambivalent about khj before but i like his baek seung jo. thought he portrayed bsj's journey from super cool, collected to affected well. and their chemistry is on point! loving the YT special eps as well :)

and 2) my favorite singing rapper bboy.

















keep flying <3. crazy how much change has happened in one year, but excited to see what 2011 brings since he's been hyping us up!