Monday, March 22, 2010
/cool story bro.
my arms are abnormally long as compared to my height. you know those large shopping bags (eg. crate & barrel size)? when i carry them with my arms straight, the bottom of the bag scrapes against the ground. i wonder what it would be like not to always have to crook my arm a few degrees at an angle.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
feel the jayness!
posting this everywhere and anywhere. he is amazing and i love him. =) so talented and humble and just...awesome. love all the imagery but he's like a phoenix! rising from the ashes :) have basically ONLY listened to this song on repeat for the past 24 hours
actual timeline of events:
- see YT still/post on a site
- "wait...that guy looks like jay. no way, it can't be jay"
- "what?? the video is titled 'jay park- nothing on you (cover)'??? who is this??? it can't be him!!!"
- click play
- "OMG OMG OMG OMG IT'S HIM IT'S REALLY HIM OMG WHAT IS THIS WHY IS HE POSTING ON YOUTUBE WHEN DID HE GET THIS YOUTUBE OMG IT'S HIM!!!!!"
- ::shake shake shake::
- spazz to friends
- actually WATCH the video instead of mostly listening and fall in love with his bopping/dancing, smile, and abs (i've missed them!)
- FLAIL some more about how awesome he sounds and how it's been 6 months since we heard his voice
- click *favorite*
- click *subscribe*
- watch views surpass 1 million in 24 hours, see him gain 50K+ subscribers (more than 2PM's YT has in 1 year), and be the #1 viewed & #1 favorited video today on YT.
HE'S BACK!!!!!!!!!
actual timeline of events:
- see YT still/post on a site
- "wait...that guy looks like jay. no way, it can't be jay"
- "what?? the video is titled 'jay park- nothing on you (cover)'??? who is this??? it can't be him!!!"
- click play
- "OMG OMG OMG OMG IT'S HIM IT'S REALLY HIM OMG WHAT IS THIS WHY IS HE POSTING ON YOUTUBE WHEN DID HE GET THIS YOUTUBE OMG IT'S HIM!!!!!"
- ::shake shake shake::
- spazz to friends
- actually WATCH the video instead of mostly listening and fall in love with his bopping/dancing, smile, and abs (i've missed them!)
- FLAIL some more about how awesome he sounds and how it's been 6 months since we heard his voice
- click *favorite*
- click *subscribe*
- watch views surpass 1 million in 24 hours, see him gain 50K+ subscribers (more than 2PM's YT has in 1 year), and be the #1 viewed & #1 favorited video today on YT.
HE'S BACK!!!!!!!!!
Sunday, March 14, 2010
coda part 2.
before his termination was official, i said that if it was announced he wasn't coming back, i'd probably walk away. i was about 50% in that though, because i've grown to (of course) love all 7 together and i definitely still followed 1:59 activities, even if the whole time i was trying to find the hints/signs for jay, etc.
now that it's actually here, i'm finding it easier than i thought to try and walk away, or at least, leave behind the crazy fan-girl spazzing. first off, i am "team kHottest." i don't really care if that makes me crazy or blind, but when the group's MOST devoted fans (fanclub staff, sasaengs, fansite admins) all turn away from 6PM, to me, that says a lot. there were so many more anti-boycott fans than pro-boycott fans present at the conference, and yet, all of the korean fanclubs that attended the conference turned away from 6PM afterwards.
many international fans have an incredible sense of superiority, but news flash, we don't know better than korean fans. we're happy when they get #1 on music shows. who makes them ACTUALLY get to #1? korean fans. we oogle all of the gifts idols get on their birthdays. who spends thousands of dollars to provide gifts, food, etc.? korean fans. so stop saying that we are equal to them, because we're not. we account for extremely little and we are an afterthought. jype happens to be a company that cares about international fan response but an international fandom will not sustain a korean group. 6PM needs the korean fan support and right now, they do not have (a lot) of it.
i listened to the conference audio and there was a whole chunk that i didn't understand. but i actually believe that what they were saying was what they were truly feeling-- when junho implores the fans to please listen, when junsu says that they are honestly telling the truth, i believe in their emotions. and i know the company is powerful, and they are rookies who have no voice and no power. but there's a way to say something and then there's a way to SELL it. and even if it was not of their own volition, i cannot look at the 6 of them the same way anymore, after hearing that they all agreed that jay "absolutely" can't come back and implied that he was "dirty."
what drew me (and many other fans) in to 2PM was their brotherhood and friendship. in fact, that's what kept me fighting all along. that ultimately, despite how they may have felt about the boycott, etc. all of them wanted to be reunited and move forward as 7. and the press conference shattered that image. and unfortunately, it can't be repaired. when jay first left, the fandom split into pro-boycott vs. anti-boycott. and now it's jay fans vs. 6/5PM fans. and that will never change.
i'm choosing to believe that their bond as 7, their bond before september 8th, was real and genuine. because otherwise it just hurts too much. i'm trying to just calmly walk away, but it's hard not to want something to happen to 6PM (regarding their popularity), if only for the selfish reason that i don't want only jay to receive the short end of the stick. but i know that's not healthy and it's not productive, and i really don't need the bad karma/juju in my life. so i guess i'll just hope for the best for ALL parties...and that jype finally gets its just desserts.
6PM, i hope you guys are able to win over your company in your end, and that whatever your choices were, were the right ones and the ones that you honestly believe in.
jay, i hope you're happy, with your family, friends, and crew. i know there will be something else out there for you-- too talented to have spent only 1 year in the spotlight, so i'll be waiting for your daebak comeback.
jype, what goes around, comes around. how far are you going to go to destroy one boy's life. it's a sad game. it's time to stop.
now that it's actually here, i'm finding it easier than i thought to try and walk away, or at least, leave behind the crazy fan-girl spazzing. first off, i am "team kHottest." i don't really care if that makes me crazy or blind, but when the group's MOST devoted fans (fanclub staff, sasaengs, fansite admins) all turn away from 6PM, to me, that says a lot. there were so many more anti-boycott fans than pro-boycott fans present at the conference, and yet, all of the korean fanclubs that attended the conference turned away from 6PM afterwards.
many international fans have an incredible sense of superiority, but news flash, we don't know better than korean fans. we're happy when they get #1 on music shows. who makes them ACTUALLY get to #1? korean fans. we oogle all of the gifts idols get on their birthdays. who spends thousands of dollars to provide gifts, food, etc.? korean fans. so stop saying that we are equal to them, because we're not. we account for extremely little and we are an afterthought. jype happens to be a company that cares about international fan response but an international fandom will not sustain a korean group. 6PM needs the korean fan support and right now, they do not have (a lot) of it.
i listened to the conference audio and there was a whole chunk that i didn't understand. but i actually believe that what they were saying was what they were truly feeling-- when junho implores the fans to please listen, when junsu says that they are honestly telling the truth, i believe in their emotions. and i know the company is powerful, and they are rookies who have no voice and no power. but there's a way to say something and then there's a way to SELL it. and even if it was not of their own volition, i cannot look at the 6 of them the same way anymore, after hearing that they all agreed that jay "absolutely" can't come back and implied that he was "dirty."
what drew me (and many other fans) in to 2PM was their brotherhood and friendship. in fact, that's what kept me fighting all along. that ultimately, despite how they may have felt about the boycott, etc. all of them wanted to be reunited and move forward as 7. and the press conference shattered that image. and unfortunately, it can't be repaired. when jay first left, the fandom split into pro-boycott vs. anti-boycott. and now it's jay fans vs. 6/5PM fans. and that will never change.
i'm choosing to believe that their bond as 7, their bond before september 8th, was real and genuine. because otherwise it just hurts too much. i'm trying to just calmly walk away, but it's hard not to want something to happen to 6PM (regarding their popularity), if only for the selfish reason that i don't want only jay to receive the short end of the stick. but i know that's not healthy and it's not productive, and i really don't need the bad karma/juju in my life. so i guess i'll just hope for the best for ALL parties...and that jype finally gets its just desserts.
6PM, i hope you guys are able to win over your company in your end, and that whatever your choices were, were the right ones and the ones that you honestly believe in.
jay, i hope you're happy, with your family, friends, and crew. i know there will be something else out there for you-- too talented to have spent only 1 year in the spotlight, so i'll be waiting for your daebak comeback.
jype, what goes around, comes around. how far are you going to go to destroy one boy's life. it's a sad game. it's time to stop.
Friday, March 12, 2010
coda part 1.
it's been 2 weeks since JYPE officially announced that they terminated jay's contract. i'd like to reiterate that, JYPE terminated HIS contract, because i've seen too many people call it jay's "final withdrawal." umm. no, by his company terminating his contract, it's not his withdrawal, or his choice, it was mandated by his company that he never return.
i've gone through a myriad of emotions and i'm still not over it by any means, but i think it's about time i start writing it all down to sort out my feelings.
it's been a roller coaster of a 6-month period, and i went from having hope, to little hope, to LOTS OF HOPE, back down to little hope, to worry, to fear, to anger, and finally resignation. who knew that when i first saw the clips of jay rapping in taec's place when taec's mic died, that i would be here? huh. throughout all 6 months, all i wanted was for him to desperately come back. i wanted him back with the other 6, and for him to be back on stage, and helping 2PM continue to rise to the top. but somewhere along the way, it went awry.
despite fans' best efforts to boycott (and yes, i will still defend that position) and prove to the company how much jay was needed, missed, and wanted, ultimately, for reasons unbeknownst to fans (i don't believe the "HUGE MORAL ISSUE" that was touted in the press release & conference), JYPE decided to "throw away" one of their best talents. admittedly, i have a huge bias for him, but he's a true triple threat-- singing, dancing, and personality. so yes, call me utterly confused that the company would be willing to let him go.
as much as i was trying to prepare myself for him not coming back, i kept holding on to the small bit of hope...and so there was a lot of anger and frustration when it was final that he wasn't coming back. it just doesn't seem fair...at all. and the fact that the company seems set on destroying him (why open up the wolves to his "personal mistake" that's so terrible they "can't reveal it?") makes it even more unbearable. yes, he's an idol, he's a "wasted investment" to them, but he's a person. how far are they going to go to take down ONE boy? now that i've gotten over the anger, i am moving towards happiness that he is out of their clutches (though probably not entirely) and he's free, free to be who he wants to be and surrounded at home with his family and friends. i love that he's not letting this destroy his life-- he's out there bboying, continuing to show his fans' love, and basically just continuing to be as awesome as when he was "leadja." and no matter what, his family, friends, and FANS will believe in him. and ultimately, that personal connection is more powerful than whatever JYPE has up their sleeves.
next up: my feelings about the fan conference & subsequent aftermath and current feelings about 6pm (though the fact that i call them 6pm probably gives some indication).
i've gone through a myriad of emotions and i'm still not over it by any means, but i think it's about time i start writing it all down to sort out my feelings.
it's been a roller coaster of a 6-month period, and i went from having hope, to little hope, to LOTS OF HOPE, back down to little hope, to worry, to fear, to anger, and finally resignation. who knew that when i first saw the clips of jay rapping in taec's place when taec's mic died, that i would be here? huh. throughout all 6 months, all i wanted was for him to desperately come back. i wanted him back with the other 6, and for him to be back on stage, and helping 2PM continue to rise to the top. but somewhere along the way, it went awry.
despite fans' best efforts to boycott (and yes, i will still defend that position) and prove to the company how much jay was needed, missed, and wanted, ultimately, for reasons unbeknownst to fans (i don't believe the "HUGE MORAL ISSUE" that was touted in the press release & conference), JYPE decided to "throw away" one of their best talents. admittedly, i have a huge bias for him, but he's a true triple threat-- singing, dancing, and personality. so yes, call me utterly confused that the company would be willing to let him go.
as much as i was trying to prepare myself for him not coming back, i kept holding on to the small bit of hope...and so there was a lot of anger and frustration when it was final that he wasn't coming back. it just doesn't seem fair...at all. and the fact that the company seems set on destroying him (why open up the wolves to his "personal mistake" that's so terrible they "can't reveal it?") makes it even more unbearable. yes, he's an idol, he's a "wasted investment" to them, but he's a person. how far are they going to go to take down ONE boy? now that i've gotten over the anger, i am moving towards happiness that he is out of their clutches (though probably not entirely) and he's free, free to be who he wants to be and surrounded at home with his family and friends. i love that he's not letting this destroy his life-- he's out there bboying, continuing to show his fans' love, and basically just continuing to be as awesome as when he was "leadja." and no matter what, his family, friends, and FANS will believe in him. and ultimately, that personal connection is more powerful than whatever JYPE has up their sleeves.
next up: my feelings about the fan conference & subsequent aftermath and current feelings about 6pm (though the fact that i call them 6pm probably gives some indication).
Saturday, March 06, 2010
the 5th stage: acceptance
acceptance. he's out for good, out of the group, out of the company, out of korea? for so long, all I wanted was for him to be back but as I move towards acceptance, I am coming around to just wanting him to be happy. I'm going to write a whole long vent later but I'm happy he's bboying tonight as planned and that they're putting it all out in the open. because that says something to me too. I'm happy he's not letting all of this stop him from what he loves and what makes him happy. :). see? moving towards acceptance.
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